On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
