Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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