She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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