she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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