I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
