god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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