we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize