The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
