My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
