Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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