i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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