I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
