so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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