there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
