Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
