I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
