haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
