im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
smell my finger.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
