dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my liver is dry heaving
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
