Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
