Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
