everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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