He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
