the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize