tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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