living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
