So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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