C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
