i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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