I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
