Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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