with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
