im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
