Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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