Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I deserve this hangover.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
