dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
