i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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