cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
