now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
