Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
