Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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