Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
