My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
