I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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