It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
