I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
