i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
