I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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