Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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