he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
