Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize