Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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