And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
