she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
