peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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