You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
