Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
