8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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