____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We need a shit load of segways right now
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize