She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
