hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
