Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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