so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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