Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
