i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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