You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
