How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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