So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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