i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
