her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
