And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
