mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You took a bar mat shot.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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