I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How's work?
Spinning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
